


Frustration

by rosestone



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Accidental Marriage, Aliens, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-19
Updated: 2013-10-19
Packaged: 2017-12-29 20:07:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1009537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosestone/pseuds/rosestone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Loki sends Steve and Tony to an alien world.  It's a pity they don't know the language... they could've avoided a lot of trouble.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Frustration

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Nizah](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nizah/gifts), [LePeru](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=LePeru).



Everything hurt.

Steve wondered if he should bother opening his eyes.  He was pretty sure that even the slightest movement would literally cause his head to explode, but he probably did need to examine his surroundings, unfortunately.  Judging by the way he felt, he’d been attacked - by who, he couldn’t guess.  Getting a look at his location would be a good start to figuring that out.

Beside him, someone let out a sad whimper.

Maybe if he looked pathetic enough, whatever villain that had kidnapped him would leave him to die in peace…

“Ow,” said the person beside him.

Steve tried to keep his breathing steady as the pain in his head spiked at the sound.  He wondered what would happen if he rolled over and murdered whoever was lying next to him.  It would hurt in the short term, sure, but he was pretty sure not having to listen to the other guy would be better in the long run.

No, killing him wouldn’t be good, he decided.  The other person was probably in just as much pain as he was.  It’d be much easier just to elbow him-or-her, so whoever it was got to experience just how much pain Steve was in right now.

The person next to him let out another whimper and rolled away from Steve.  There was a muffled thud and another “Ow,” which Steve suspected meant he-or-she had fallen off whatever they were lying on.  It was raised off the ground, evidently, and soft, and flat, and Steve was pretty sure that the soft thing his head was on was a pillow, and there was fabric tangled around his bare legs… a bed?  What kind of villain put his captured enemies on a bed?

“Eugh,” said the other person, who Steve decided was male, going by the depth of his voice.  There were a series of thumping noises and then footsteps heading away from the bed - the other man had been hauling himself upright, Steve supposed.  He felt rather pleased about the amount of information he’d been able to deduce while lying still with his eyes closed and with a pounding headache, really.

There was the sound of splashing water, and more thumping, and an “Aha!”  The thumping went on for quite a while, and Steve had just started to get used to it when the other man said, quite loudly, “Are you all right?”

Steve did his best to ignore him.

“Fuck, you’d better not be dead.”  The other man poked him, and Steve realised he’d have to do something if he wanted to be left alone.  He cracked one eye open, intending to glare balefully at whoever this was, but a beam of light speared him directly in the eye.  He flinched, and every protesting muscle in his body spasmed in pain at the movement.

“Ow…”

“Wait,” the other man said, a note of excitement in his voice.  “Steve, do you have a hangover?  I didn’t even think that was possible!  This is the most awesome kinda-kidnapping I’ve ever been on.”

An alarm bell rang in Steve’s brain at the word kidnapping.  He tried to shove himself upright, but his head gave an especially painful thud and he decided against it.  “Kidnapping?  Y’alright?”

“You got so drunk you don’t even remember how we got here?  Whatever they make their alcohol out of must be super strong.”

Steve realised, belatedly, that the voice belonged to Tony.  Of course he’d be more excited about the fact that the serum had failed him than by the danger they might be in.  “Tony -”

“Yes, yes, I’ll explain.  Not now, though.  It can wait until you feel a little more human.  I’ll go get you something for the headache, okay?”

There were more footsteps and the sound of a door opening and closing.  Steve wondered where Tony was going.  If they’d been kidnapped, why would their captor give them that much freedom?  And he’d said that Steve was hungover and that alcohol was involved… unless ‘alcohol’ was a codeword for ‘neurotoxin strong enough to take down Captain America’, that fact didn’t fit with the villain theory.

The door opened again and Tony walked over to him.  “Drink this, it’ll help.”  Steve scowled, but he was willing to admit that Tony probably knew more about doctoring hangovers than he did.  Tony pulled him upright and put the glass to his lips, tipping it so he could drink.  The liquid inside was cool and faintly fizzy, and tasted like nothing he’d ever had before.  His head slowed its pounding only a few seconds after he took his first sip.  When he’d finished, Tony took his glass and bustled away, returning with a cool cloth to put on Steve’s forehead.  Steve felt the pain finally recede and relaxed.

“Okay,” he said, pulling the cloth off his face.  “Where are we, how did we get here, and why on earth do I feel so awful?”

Tony hesitated.  “Do you want the long version or the Cliff’s Notes?”

“Just tell me, Tony.”

Tony sighed.  “We went to fight Loki, he zapped us onto another planet - at least, I hope it’s another planet, it would really suck if we were in a different dimension or something like that - we met the locals, they invited us to some sort of party they were throwing, we said yes because diplomacy, one of them kept hitting on me and it was kind of creepy and you blew up at him or her and told them we were engaged - to be married, I mean - and then they threw an even bigger party for us.  And, apparently, their alcohol is super powerful.  Good to know.”

“... Am I still drunk?” Steve said.

“Afraid not,” Tony said, grinning.

Steve sighed.  “Now what?”

“Keep playing nice with the locals, I suppose.  See if we can hammer out a treaty by the time Fury figures out how to get us home.”

“Wonderful,” Steve said.  “Just great.”

“Your plan did work,” Tony said.  “The other guy - or girl? - realised he-or-she wasn’t going to get anywhere and went away.  Not that I’d never have sex with an alien, but I’d want to make sure we were genitally compatible first and she-or-he wasn’t really my type anyway -”

“Augh,” Steve said, and stumbled out of bed and into the bathroom, closing the door behind him.

There wasn’t a tub or shower in there, just a sink and mirror, but he decided to do his best to clean up anyway.  He glanced down at himself and realised abruptly that he was naked.  Flashes of the night before were starting to come back to him - his arm around Tony’s waist, Tony’s hand resting casually on his ass, his fingers brushing Tony’s cheekbone…  Had they had sex?  He sat down heavily, wrapping his arms around his knees.

It wasn’t that he believed that sort of intimacy with another man would be wrong; one of the changes about the twenty-first century that he quite liked was the fact that people could be intimate with whoever they liked without fearing for their liberty.  Tony was different, though.  Tony was always different.

He’d known Tony’s father.  That in and of itself put a wedge between them - both he and Tony knew that his relationship with Howard had been much better than Tony’s, which had given Tony a pretty bad first impression of him.  They had gotten over that now and become good friends, but Steve still felt guilty for having taken Howard’s attention away from Tony for so many years.  Worse still, he wondered sometimes if it had been for the best.  Howard had been a great man, but he had, like many others in the forties, been disgusted by homosexuality.  Tony didn’t care who the people around him loved, and Steve couldn’t help but wonder how much of that had been shaped by his dislike for his father.  Tony himself was openly bisexual.

The first time Steve had discovered that, he’d wondered what sleeping with Tony would be like.  If he’d dared to ask, Steve was sure he’d get more than just a helping hand from Tony - he wanted more than a helping hand from Tony - but he couldn’t ask.  He didn’t want to ruin their friendship, and he thought Tony and Ms. Potts might be in some sort of a relationship anyway; he’d seen her wandering through the common rooms the Avengers shared early in the morning in her pyjamas quite a few times, and he couldn’t imagine why else she would be there.

The point was, whether he wanted a romance with Tony or not, he couldn’t have it.  He’d kept that side of his feelings for Tony carefully hidden, so as not to ruin their friendship... and now he might have destroyed that illusion with some ill-timed drinking.  He could see why he'd done it - he couldn't sit by and let the man he loved be harassed, not when he could stop it from happening - but he wished he'd thought of another way to deal with it.

He’d have to ask.  He couldn’t sit here all day wondering.

Steve stood up and padded over to the doorway, easing it open a crack and peering out.  “Ah, Tony…”

Tony glanced up.  He’d been gazing closely at a stone sphere sitting on a table in the bedroom, which Steve supposed might be art.  “Need some help with the facilities?”

“Uh, no.  What I was wondering was - well, I, um - it’s just -”

“Steve?” Tony said, smirking.

“Did we have sex?” Steve blurted out.

Tony blinked at him.

“I’m naked,” Steve said, feeling a blush rise up his cheeks, “and I don’t remember getting that way, and, well…”

Tony sighed.  “You don’t remember anything about last night, so I don’t know why you’d expect to remember whether you took your own clothes off or not.  But just for the record - no, I don’t remember us having sex, and I don’t think I was drunk enough to jump a guy who was obviously too drunk to consent.  So probably not.”

“Why weren’t you drunk?  I mean, up until now I thought I couldn’t get drunk, so why didn’t you?”

“I was working on the assumption that their alcohol would be a lot stronger than I was used to,” Tony said with a shrug.  “Figured it was better to play it safe until I knew how it’d affect me.  Looks like that was a good choice on my part.”

“Well, that’s, ah, good to know.  I guess I’d better get back to…”  He closed the door, relieved.  He hadn’t ruined things.

If he had done something like that, anyway, he would’ve wanted to remember.

He rinsed his sweat off quickly and got Tony to toss his suit into the room.  It was sweaty and sticky and definitely not what he wanted to be wearing, but it was an improvement on nudity, he supposed.

When he returned to the bedroom, Tony was gone.  He glanced around the room, taking it in properly for the first time since he’d woken up: one door in the wall opposite him, one surprisingly large bed set against the wall to his left, the table with the sphere Tony’d been examining to his right.  He headed for the other door - it was the only way out he could’ve gone, since there weren’t any windows.

Tony was in the hall outside their room talking with one of the aliens.  It - he?  She? - was rather humanlike.  It was quite short, standing not quite as high as Tony’s shoulder, and stocky.  Steve wondered for a moment if they’d ended up on one of the worlds Asgard was allied with - Thor had mentioned something about dwarves, he was sure - but if they were friends with Asgard, Thor would probably have fetched them home by now, so maybe not.

Tony and the alien appeared to be talking, though Steve wasn’t sure how, given that the alien probably didn’t speak English.  His question was answered as he approached - the alien was holding a small, gleaming device between them, and as he-or-she spoke, her-or-his words were translated into halting English.

The alien broke off as she-or-he saw Steve approaching.  Tony turned and smiled at him.

“Greetings,” the alien said.  “I am to be leaving you lovers to be together alone now.”  He-or-she nodded and strode away, poking at the machine.

“Gone to fix the translator, I think,” Tony said.  “It doesn’t have a whole lot of experience with English, as you might have noticed.  We should go back into our room now.”  He put a hand on Steve’s back and steered him back through the door.

“He looked awfully -”

“Humanoid?  Thor has a few theories about that - apparently most of the races around Asgard look like them - but that’s not what’s important right now.”

“He thinks they - we - might all be related?”

“Yes, maybe, but -”

“So that alien that was harassing you…”

“Trying to improve her family’s genetic stock, apparently - seems like the taller you are, the better, here.  I guess you were just too bizarrely tall for their tastes.”  Tony smirked at him, closing the door.  “I have to tell you something.”

“In private?” Steve said, raising his eyebrows.

“Yes.  See… that party last night, not actually celebratory.  Well, kind of, but not only.”

“Tony, just tell me.”

Tony took a deep breath.  “Steve… last night, we accidentally got married.”

 

Steve sat on the bed, numb.  This was probably the worst thing that could have happened in his quest to avoid letting Tony know how he felt.  It was all going to end in a disaster, he knew it.  A disaster that involved Tony explaining that Steve wasn’t really his type and that he already had a girlfriend anyway and then spending as little time as possible with him.

After Tony had dropped the oops-we’re-married bombshell on Steve, he’d run away.  Steve supposed talking science with aliens was preferable to whatever awkward conversation they would have had next, but he wished Tony had stayed anyway.  He had no idea what to do now.  Sitting on somebody else’s bed in a grime-caked uniform certainly wasn’t his idea of what he’d do the day after his wedding, accidental or not.

Well, there was something he could do about his uniform, at least.  He tugged his uniform off again and began scrubbing it in the sink, wondering what Tony was doing.

 

Tony bent over a pile of metal scraps, picking out pieces.  The aliens had said they were contacting some offworld friends of theirs, friends who were wise and tall and technologically advanced; Tony suspected that meant Asgardians, but he wasn’t so willing to bet on it that he wouldn’t try to contact them himself.  It’d take a lot of work to build a radio that could transmit through space, especially without the resources of his workshop, but he wasn’t sure he could use his hosts’ equipment - apparently it ran off a sort of limited telepathy which Tony didn’t have.

Plus, it gave him an excellent reason to not be where Steve was.

Not that he didn’t want to be around Steve “Ridiculously Hot” Rogers.  The horrified face he’d made (and then promptly tried to hide) at the thought of being married to Tony had kind of ruined the mood, though.

Tony wasn’t a marriage kind of guy - it’d be a rare person who’d put up with being under constant threat from Iron Man’s enemies - but if he had to be married to someone, he’d probably pick Steve.  What wasn’t there to like about a hot, kind, intelligent guy who’d known him for several months and still liked him?  Steve seemed to have picked up on the negative side of being married to him pretty quickly, unfortunately.  Tony supposed he’d have to look into divorcing them as soon as they got home.  Assuming these people even had an option for divorce in their culture…

He shook his head, refocusing.  When they got home he’d hand the problem over to SHIELD’s law guys - they’d spent the last few months learning Asgardian law, which was fairly complex, so they’d probably be happy for a chance to work on something different - and then he’d go back to trying to figure out how to block Loki’s magic.  If it really was just very advanced science, then there ought to be a way to stop it.  He’d feel more confident about this project if he hadn’t spent months working it already, but he’d manage it soon.  He had to.

The aliens down the other end of the workshop all started shouting.  Tony glanced over his shoulder at them, and saw that they were crouched around a screen, having what appeared to be an argument.  Suddenly one of them leaped up and ran over to Tony, grabbing his arm and tugging.  Tony put the pieces of his future radio down and followed him-or-her over to the screen.  It was showing a wobbly, grainy picture of a man in elaborate golden armour which could only be Asgardian.  Tony went limp with relief.  Not that aliens weren’t cool, but he wanted his workshop.

The man inclined his head as he saw Tony.  “Iron Man.  I am Heimdall.  Is Captain America with you?”

“He’s not here right now, but I can go get him.  Did Thor ask you to look for us?”

“Aye.  Now, fetch your shieldbrother, and I shall return you to Midgard.”

Tony ran to obey.

 

The first thing Steve said when they landed on the Helicarrier, Fury and Thor there to meet them, was, “Did the Avengers stop Loki?”

The first thing Tony said was, “Thor, do you know anything about those guys’ laws?  Just out of curiosity.”

Fury nodded at Steve’s question, narrowed his eyes at Tony, and said, “Go tell your team you’re not dead.  Debrief tomorrow at eight.”

“Yes, sir,” Steve said, while Tony rolled his eyes.  As they walked towards the Quinjet, Thor said, “Friend Tony, about which part of their laws are you curious?”

Tony glanced around, checking for eavesdroppers, and then filled Thor in on the situation.  Thor, bless him, didn’t even smile.

“I do not know the answer to this question,” he admitted.  “I shall return to Asgard and inquire there.”

“Discreetly,” Steve said.  “I don’t think we want them to find out we were lying, not if we want a good diplomatic relationship.”

“Discreet is good,” Tony said.  “Personally, I’d prefer it if nobody found out about it.”

Thor’s mouth twitched.  “I can understand that.  I shall see you soon, my friends.”  He strode away.

“You don’t want to tell anybody,” Steve said.

“Come on, let’s get out of here.  And no, I don’t.  Can you imagine what Natasha would say?”

Steve hesitated at that.  “We’d be lying to our friends, though.”

“Not exactly.  We’ll tell them everything, just not why they threw us that party.  It’s like ninety percent true, which is good enough for me.”

Steve still looked a little upset by the idea.  “But…”  
“Once Thor gets back and tells us how to get out of this fix, it’ll be like it never happened.”

“What if we meet the aliens again and they ask us how we’re doing?”

“We tell them it didn’t work out.”

Steve sighed, but didn’t protest any more.

 

Thor returned after dinner.  He looked conflicted, and Tony’s heart sank.

He, Steve and Thor ducked into the library to talk away from the others.

“Any good news for us?” Tony asked.

“You two will be permitted to separate, yes,” Thor said.  He still didn’t look happy.

“Thank fuck,” Tony said.

Steve frowned at him and asked, “What’s the catch?”

“You must first spend many weeks in one another’s company, to ensure that you both desire this separation.”

“We what.”  Tony stared at him.

“How many weeks?” Steve said, sounding upset.

Thor shrugged.  “Asgard’s archivists are unfamiliar with the phrase in their books of law.  They are endeavouring to translate it, but it will take time.”

“What if we don’t do it?” Tony said, palms beginning to sweat at the thought of spending weeks in the company of Steve “That Booty” Rogers.  “It’s not like they’d know.”  
Thor frowned at him.  “I would.  Your union has already been recorded in the books of Asgard, where it shall remain until you have dissolved your marriage in the correct way.”

“Thank you for telling us,” Steve said.  “Come on, Tony.”  He grabbed Tony’s arm and dragged him into a corner.  Thor smiled at them and strode out.

“Steve -”

“We are going to do this properly,” Steve said.  “We got into it, so we can damn well get out of it.”

“Ooh, a swearword.  Didn’t realise I merited one of those.  And just to remind you, we didn’t get into this, you did.”

Steve slumped.

“Not that I’m not grateful for the assist.  I’m just saying.  Semantics.”  Tony sighed.  One of these days, he’d figure out how to resist Steve’s sad puppy dog eyes, but that day wasn’t today.  “So, uh… how will we do this?  You come and hang out in the workshop with me?”

“I don’t think that counts as spending time together.”

“Oh, come on, it totally -”

“Last time I brought you a sandwich when you were working hard, it sat directly in front of you for three hours before you realised it was there.”

“I’m not always that focused…”

Steve raised his eyebrows.

“Ugh, fine.  We’ll think of some other way of spending time together.  Not now, though, we have to get up absurdly early to talk to Fury and I have some science that needs doing.”

“Eight A.M. is not absurdly early, and somehow I don’t think you’re going to figure out how to stop Loki’s magic from working when you’re exhausted.  I think a good night’s sleep will help us figure this out, don’t you?”

“Fine,” Tony sighed.

Steve smiled.  “I’ll see you tomorrow morning.”  He strode out of the room.

Tony glared after him.  They could’ve gotten out of this easily.  Steve liked spending time in the workshop, sketching robots and machinery and sometimes Tony, so why would he veto that excellent idea?  Now they had to actually spend time together.  Eating meals, maybe, or watching movies… not that they didn’t already do those things, but it was different when you were doing it with your husband.  It might make Tony feel like he had a chance, and he didn’t.  Steve was the marrying type.  Tony wasn’t, and he had to make sure he remembered it.

 

Steve sighed as he sank onto his bed.  That had been a close miss.

Tony was right.  He didn’t always drift off into his own world when they were in the workshop together.  Sometimes they chatted while he fiddled with his designs, about anything and everything; Steve would pretend to sketch Dummy or You or the armour, but really he’d be trying to draw Tony without being caught.  Nobody else did that with Tony.  Sometimes Steve wished he didn’t do it either; it was too intimate, and it hurt to see the casual way Tony smiled at him, knowing that Tony cared for him as a friend and nothing more.

At least Tony didn’t know how he felt.  Steve was sure he would’ve mentioned it if he had, especially considering what had happened.

He wondered how they were going to do this.  Maybe it’d turn out that they only needed to spend a few days together, and they could get through this easily.  Maybe the other Avengers would be called away from the Tower and they wouldn’t have to worry about being found out.

Maybe pigs would fly and Tony would start to like him as more than a friend.

It was going to be a long few weeks.

 

In the library, there was a sudden noise.  Had Steve or Tony been there, they would have seen a vent grating fall from the ceiling, and Clint falling after it.  They might have seen Natasha unpeel herself from behind a bookshelf which, logically speaking, she ought not to have been able to fit behind.

“Really, guys?” Bruce said, walking through the door with Thor behind him.

Natasha smirked.  “We’re spies.  We have to be sneaky in situations like this.”

“Or you could just watch the security footage with me,” Bruce said.  “It’s much easier.”

“And boringer,” Clint said.

“I do not believe that is a word, friend Clint,” Thor said.

“Not important,” Natasha said.  “What is important is that Operation Stop That Goddamn Pining is a go.”

“Is all this really necessary?” Bruce said.  
“They accidentally got married,” Clint said.  “What else do you want to do?  Let them get divorced and go on moping about their ‘unrequited’ love when they think we can’t see?”  
“Yes.”

Natasha sniffed.  “When I am friends with somebody, they are going to be happy.  Or else.”

Bruce shuffled a bit further away from her.

“To love!” Thor shouted, grinning.  “And to our great plan!”

They all grinned back.  Even Bruce.

“To love,” Clint said.  “Even though those two dumbasses don’t really deserve it.”

 

Fury was still laughing when Steve and Tony left his office the next morning.  The other agents who were waiting to speak to him eyed them warily as they left.

“It’s not that funny,” Tony said, pouting.  Steve tried not to look at his mouth, but it was a failing battle.

“Steve?” Tony said, waving a hand in front of his face.

“Oh!  Sorry, I drifted off - I was thinking about, uh… how we’re going to do this spending-time-together thing.”

“I know you said it couldn’t just be workshop time,” Tony said, “but I need to work on the suit.  If I try really hard to pay attention to you, will you hang around anyway?  We can do something you want later.”

“Are you two dating?”  They jerked around and saw Clint staring at them.

“Do you have a mission?” Steve asked.

“No, I’m here to talk to someone, and you’re changing the subject.”

“Can’t two friends spend time together without it being a sexy thing?  Really?” Tony said, rolling his eyes.  “No, we’re not dating, Barton.  Now, if you’ll excuse us…”  He grabbed Steve’s arm and hurried away.

“Tony, we shouldn’t lie to him.”

“It’s not a lie.  We are not dating.”

“It feels like a lie,” Steve muttered.  “Let’s just go home, okay?”

 

“Subtle, Barton.”

“Bite me, Banner.  At least I put the idea in their minds, right?”

Bruce sighed.  “I think the idea’s already in their minds.  We need more than that.”

 

They emerged from their Not A Date in the workshop for lunch to find the others already eating.  There was a massive stack of sandwiches on the table - the Avengers ate a lot - so they just sat down and dug in.  Clint excused himself a few minutes later, while Tony was trying to convince Steve to give him one of his egg salad sandwiches, so they didn’t pay much mind.

They definitely noticed when he came back screaming, though.  
“What’s wrong?” Steve asked, standing up.

“It’s a spider, isn’t it,” Natasha said.

Clint shot her a dirty look.  “It’s a giant hairy spider.  I think it has fangs.”

Natasha sighed.  “Off you two go, then.”  She waved a hand at Steve and Tony.

Tony frowned.  “What?”

“Oh, we didn’t tell you,” Bruce said.  “We wrote up a spider schedule while you were away.  It’s your turn.”

“Why do both of us need to go?” Steve said.

“What if you need both hands to hold it?  Somebody has to get the doors,” Natasha said.  “Go on.  Before Clint expires of terror, please.”

“Stop mocking me.  Spiders are fucking horrifying, okay?”

Tony rolled his eyes and strode out of the room.  “Come on, Steve.  Let’s just deal with it.”

When they entered the bathroom, there was no spider to be seen.  Steve peered behind the cupboard while Tony watched him, bored already.

The door clicked shut.

“I didn’t feel a draft,” Tony said, frowning.  “Did you feel a draft?  No, I didn’t think so.  Why would it close by itself?”  He tugged at the doorknob.

Steve pushed him aside and shoved at the door.  It rattled, but didn’t give way.

“Why would they lock us in a bathroom?”

Tony’s stomach sank.  There was only one reason he could think of, and it wasn’t good.  “Can you break it?”

Steve didn’t look thrilled at the idea, but he tried, leaning his entire weight against the wood.  It didn’t budge.

“There’s something wedged against it outside,” he said.  “I don’t have the leverage to move it.”

“JARVIS?” Tony said.  “What’s going on?”

There was a distinct pause.  “I am afraid Ms Potts has requested that I hold my silence at this point.  As this is not a life-or-death situation and I am not directly disobeying any of my parameters, I have chosen to assist her in this matter.”

Tony began swearing under his breath.  Pepper knew he’d given JARVIS as much free will as he could.  She also knew how he felt about Steve.  She had also told him that she thought he ought to tell Steve how he felt, and that the more times she had to put up with him moping over Steve the more she was tempted to take action herself.

Steve was starting to look panicked.  “Why would they do this?  When are they going to let us out?”

“I’m sure they will eventually,” Tony said.  Sooner or later Pepper would realise that Steve wasn’t going to reciprocate Tony’s feelings no matter how long they were stuck in there, and she’d let them out.

Steve leaned against the door, frowning.  “Thor must’ve been involved.  Nobody else could’ve blocked the door like this.  Do you think he’s trying to help us with the spending-time-together thing?”

“Good point,” Tony said.  “But why would he?  What motive does he have?”

“You guys are idiots,” Clint said.  Tony jumped, looking for the speaker, and found it nestled next to the light on the ceiling.

There was the sound of a scuffle, and then Natasha started speaking.  “If you can figure out why we’ve locked you in, we’ll unblock the door.  Understood?”  The speaker clicked off again.

“Fuck.”  So Pepper was colluding with the rest of them, was she?  Tony supposed it made sense.  She and Natasha spent a lot of time together, and he’d be astonished if Natasha hadn’t noticed the way he looked at Steve, given how good she was at the whole creepy spying thing.  Natasha had recruited the others.

Steve paced, obviously thinking it over.  Tony wondered if he’d figure it out.  One man having a crush on another probably wasn’t the first thing a man from the forties would think of in a situation like this.

If only he had his tablet with him.  He could call Happy or Rhodey for help, or get the armours to let them out.  He could do some design work to distract himself from Steve’s toned ass flexing as he walked back and forth.  He could do something other than confessing his feelings to Steve, which he definitely was not doing ever.

“Tony?” Steve said.

“Yeah?”

“I think I’ve figured it out.”  He took two strides across the bathroom towards Tony, who was suddenly and irrationally terrified.  There was no way he’d figured it out.

He kissed Tony.

Outside the bathroom, Thor and Clint began dragging a heavy cabinet out of the doorway while Pepper grinned and Natasha wolf-whistled and Bruce smiled softly.

Inside the bathroom, Tony’s neck was starting to ache and he probably needed to breathe soon, but he’d be damned if he was going to stop kissing Steve to deal with that.

Steve broke the kiss, staring down at him with an adorably terrified expression on his face.  “Tony -”

Tony kissed him again.

“Oh.”

Tony broke away this time, grinning.  “Yeah.”

“So, this, ah -”

“Talk later.  Kiss now.”

They had a lot to talk about, starting with whether they were comfortable with being married before they’d even kissed.  At that particular moment, though, neither of them really cared.

**Author's Note:**

> Dear Legete,  
> You may have noticed that this is not the fic that you received a question email about. That fic is coming, I promise - if only because I'm a completionist - but unfortunately I realised a few weeks back that I'd be unable to finish it in time for this fest, thanks to a lot of real life stuff and a case of writer's block. I hope you enjoyed this anyway. I'll gift you the original fic when I'm finished.  
> Your Author


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